Profiles

Everyone can benefit from therapy, but our approach is especially effective for men that resonate with one or more of these common profiles. These are not clinical terms or categories. Take them with a grain of salt. They are simply a way to understand common patterns and presentations. You might identify with more than one as they are often overlapping/related.  

The Nice Guy

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The Nice Guy: You need other people to be okay with you. The idea of disappointing someone or burdening them is terrifying. This is especially the case with romantic relationships. And so you do all you can to avoid conflict. This results in lots of anxiety. You are very agreeable and never say no to people. The only person you say no to is yourself – you tend to de-prioritize your needs, never ask for help, and withhold from yourself. You actually have a very difficult time setting boundaries or expressing your true feelings because to do so feels like a threat – like your inconveniencing others or burdening them. Your main strategy to get what you want from others is to “make them happy” and satisfied with you in the hopes that they will give you what you want/need without you having to actually say what it is. When things aren’t going well in the relationship, you experience resentment and engage in passive aggressive behaviours. If you’re single or dating, you often get “friend zoned”.

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People say: You’re insecure, passive aggressive, not confident, boring, I can’t trust you.

Problems: Anxiety symptoms, people treat you poorly, low self-worth, you don’t have your needs met, you feel resentful, you sometimes explode, mind racing, can’t relax.

 

The Marlboro Man

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Marlboro Man: Think of the stereotypical “man’s man” from the 1950’s. Never revealing any weakness or pain. Never complaining. Never expressing or sharing any real emotion. You prioritize individualism, self-sufficiency, and keeping to yourself. You hate relying on other people or fully trusting them for anything. Expressing or sharing emotions seems feminine, so you never do that. This results in emotional suppression, relationships that lack actual depth, social isolation. You are never vulnerable with others because you think that equals weakness. You would never ask help from others. You say “it is what it is” often. Risk taking behaviour associated with “over-doing it” or not using protection/safety measures (ex: lifting 200lb equipment in the back of the truck alone, instead of asking for a hand). Trying to live life without acknowledging your limits. You deny self-care by de-prioritizing yourself – not so others will like you (like the nice guy), but so you feel manly, strong, and not dependent on anything/anyone. To have needs is to be vulnerable or weak - so the less the better. You keep others at a distance emotionally because the closer they get, the more “not in control” you feel or the more dependent you might become on them. Above all else, be self-sufficient. Your partner says you don’t care about them – which confuses you because you would do anything for them – and often do!

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People say: You’re hard to get to know, cold, indifferent, too blunt, unemotional, not empathetic, not vulnerable enough, poor at communicating, can’t “connect with you”.

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Problems: Relationship problems like low intimacy, arguments, no communication, resentment etc. Low mood, No joy, thoughts of not wanting to exist. Ambiguous health problems like gut issues, blood pressure, heart problems, cancers, etc. Anger outbursts, feeling unappreciated. Always tired but can’t sleep.

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